I’m elated and disappointed.
It’s been a harrowing past week. What started out as a deep concern for our home on the east coast of Florida suddenly morphed into almost unmanageable anxiety about the safety of our daughter on the west coast.
Should she stay, should she go, should I stay up here, should I go down there..
And then it was too late. The time for deciding had passed; the window was closed.
The good news is our daughter’s fine, our parents, friends and family are all fine as well. It could have been so much worse- for us.
It’s hard to express gratitude at being spared when others are suffering so badly. We lived in the Keys and recognize the many scenes of devastation: favorite restaurants, bait and tackle shops, homes and hang-outs.. We lived through Hurricane Andrew in Miami and are deeply acquainted with the hardships that lie ahead for those who need to rebuild. It’s a long, frustrating and exhausting experience; many will simply choose never to return.
Personally, I need to rebuild my core. I am not at all proud of the way I handled myself in the face of this unfolding event. As a mom, it’s a whole different ball game when it’s not you facing a crisis but one of your kids. I wasn’t hysterical, but I was seriously obsessed; unable to eat or focus on anything but the existential threat facing my daughter. My head was in a strange place; not a dark place, but an empty place where words floated around unhinged from cohesive thoughts..everything was reduced to blah, blah, blah.
That’s no way to be and now that it’s over, I’m disappointed in myself; elated but disappointed.
I need to rebuild.