What’s the rush?

hands

“What was dad like on your first date, mom?” my daughter asked as I dumped the pot of  hot spaghetti into the strainer over the sink.  I stood still for a minute, phone pressed against my neck trying to remember as the fog slowly lifted off my bifocals.

“I think we played raquetball and then probably took a stroll around the Academy,” I  answered plumbing the depths of my memory.. “not sure if we went out to eat or not, but knowing dad we probably grabbed something downtown.” A quick shake of the colander released a new waft of warm steam.. ” I just remember it was fun” I added “dad was a lot of fun.”

Thanks to some well-meaning friends, my 25 year old daughter has gone on a few, basically blind, first dates lately that have left her feeling as if there’s something wrong with her. They will go out to dinner or the movies, have some light, explorative conversation and then whamo -these guys are instantly all touchy-feely.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like they are rushing for second base or anything (not that I even remember what the bases are) but seriously, if you meet someone for the first time ever in your life at 6pm, does it seem right to expect the girl to be comfortable holding hands with you on a walk at 7:45?

I’m not saying the guys are aggressive, but it’s as if they are following some dating-manual rather than taking their cues from the girl they are with.  Call me old fashioned, but holding hands on a walk is way more intimate than a quick end-of-date little kiss.

What on earth is the rush there fellas?  Ever heard of a second date?

Which is of course (sadly) not going to happen with this most recent guy …and not because there’s anything “wrong” with my daughter.

 

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photocredit:www.pinterest.com

 

 

 

 

13 thoughts on “What’s the rush?

    1. My daughter keeps finding herself in these quasi-blind-date situations..but I guess you are right- that is modern dating with match.com and the like being so popular. You just have to get used to going out to dinner with a total stranger..which in itself can be nerve racking..esp if he keeps wanting to wrap his arm around you!

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  1. Yikes!!!! Perhaps she should try double dating for a first date, safety in numbers and less intimate? Just a thought, cause I am horrified and just asked my 20 year old son his thoughts on this. He said it’s not his way and suggests if it’s outside her comfort zone she should clearly say no if they guy is misreading her. If he is a decent guy he will understand. He was uncomfortable with the entire topic, which is unusual for him with me. I think it’s definitely in his head now, so a good conversation , lol Your daughter is very wise to be uncomfortable with this.

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    1. ..bars or anything..so her options for meeting guys is kinda limited. I told her she should definitely consider group gatherings. This style of dating is just not working for her. Could be this latest guy is really swell, but his advances seemed inappropriate and more importantly not authentic..I mean 24 hours prior to his holding her hand she had never spoken to or met him…. it just seems weird.

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      1. Well, (and this surprised me) he texted her later that evening to ask her to a bar-b-que the next day. She said no..followed up with what I would say was a pretty firm “dear John” text ..yikes!

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      2. OH my, guess she needed to be direct since he was obviously unaware that the date didn’t go well…You should be proud that she is strong in knowing that this fast paced approach is not for her, that she respects herself!

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  2. This is more of a hookup culture than a relationship one….Sad, but reality. Nothing wrong, though, with her smiling, withdrawing her hand, and stating that she’d like to get to know him better first.

    To me, holding hands is more intimate than other physical affection. It’s more of a math equation: 1+1=us. So I get wanting to hold off on it. The hubs and I didn’t hold hands until after we’d kissed for the first time…and I think that was date 2 or 3….

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    1. Handholding is VERY intimate..I can almost feel my hands sweating just thinking about the first boy I ever held hands with! I think the issue is it’s prolonged (unlike a quick kiss) and basically telegraphs your status with this person to whomever is around..and here my daughter had just met the guy less than 2 hours earlier! It was just odd..and made her pretty uncomfortable.

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