I had to go to bed early last night; I was completely exhausted. I went to a new Orthopedist yesterday for an appointment about my sciatica and was in full blown Comedy Central mode from the moment the nurse put me on the scale to the minute I paid my bill.
Don’t ask me why, I’ve never understood it, but when I’m at a doctor’s office I turn into a stand-up- lie down, crazy comedienne.
What exactly is that all about???
Is it because I’m nervous, because I want to change the subject, or maybe just lighten the mood? Is it because I feel sorry for them all marching from one small room to the next like lab mice in a maze day after day?
I’m not this way at the car dealership that’s for darn sure. If my car is making strange noises, I lower my voice a few octaves when I talk to the mechanic and put on my best cranky, in a rush, self-important, puffer face. I’ll sit in that waiting room with an impatient glare, flicking though recipes on my i-phone as if I’m Hillary Clinton sorting through classified e-mail.
Just diagnose the problem and get me outta there.
Now if I have strange noises going on in my stomach on the other hand.. well, hand me the microphone and slide me a glass of water on that stool with the wheels because I’m gonna be crackin’ some off color jokes for you doc.. How much time do we have?
The only exceptions to this routine are my mammogram where I put on a modified act that requires much less actual breathing, and the dentist of course where he’s the one trying to be funny and all I can do is nod and snort.
Yeah..the old dentist chair..that’s what it feels like to be truly trapped at a show. I never want my audience to feel that way…
I’ll need to remind myself of that this summer when I go for my annual physical at the OB/GYN.. hands down-and legs up- the site of some of my best performances.