Have you noticed how long it can take to check out of a store these days? Between the coupons, zip codes, the pin numbers and heaven forbid the person in front of you signs up for a credit card- each transaction can take an eternity!
The other day at Kohl’s I was in one of those kinda lines. The lady 2 up from me was laden down with coupons and was double checking the prices on all of her clearance bargains. Both the shopper and the gal at the register were commenting on how fantastic the price on each single item was.
When the total was finally calculated and loudly announced, the two of them simultaneously turned to the rest of us in line as if they were waiting for a standing ovation. My stomach was growling and my lips were shriveled up from dehydration-
I. just. wanted. to. get. home.
The gal directly in front of me only had two items, but just as I was starting to feel hopeful about things picking up speed, the cashier began talking to her about all the fantastic deals the previous shopper was able to enjoy..why? why you ask? ..because she had a Kohl’s card by golly..and did this woman want to enjoy those same benefits and sign up for one as well?
Why, yes!… yes, she sure did.
I felt my face flush and could hear the blood as it started to whoosh in my ears. The lady tapped out her personal information on that wee little pad signing up for her new card- social security number, phone number, blah blah blah until the process was finally complete-
and she saved some money-yay.
The clerk smiled and handed her the receipt asking if she enjoyed the service today..because if she did, she should go online and leave a comment about her experience because it helps the store and she could win a prize…
For her convenience, the clerk circled the online address.
At this point I’m counting backwards, in sets of ten, fully engaged in yoga single nostril relaxation breathing and deep calf stretching exercises.
When it was finally my turn, I plopped (slammed?) three pair of Jockey underwear and one leather belt onto the table. I slid my sweaty card through the machine and impatiently (possibly rudely?) answered “NO” to every single question asked.
The cashier handed me my receipt for $62.
$62? – whaaat?
I knew the belt was not on sale but “how much were those underwear?” I stammered.
Oh, they’re on sale..3 for $30 she said.
3 for $30? I thought they were three for $8.50?
I checked the tag on one of the bright yellow undies..they were 3 for $28.50.
“Are they three for $28.50?” I asked
“The “SALE” is 3 for $30″ she repeated with a distinct hint of irritation.
“HUHHHHH?” I muttered, trying to shake the fog out of my brain…I glanced behind me at the long line of blank faces. The clerk was just standing there staring at me. I wanted to continue my line of questioning about the overpriced underpants, but you know what? Sometimes I just get tired..really tired. I grabbed my bag and slinked towards the door.
I walked out to my car and stood there for a minute examining my receipt..who ever heard of a sale where the product is “specially priced” higher than its every day cost? Who ever heard of $10 undies! And wow..what’s the deal with my vision?..I didn’t even see that 2 in front of the 8.50…and that Kohl’s chick didn’t even ask me how I enjoyed the service today.
I took a deep breath and marched right back towards the store, open sesame-d the door and took my position at the back of the line..you know, behind all those people who were previously behind me. The cashier looked up when she saw me standing there and asked if I had a return, because if so..I needed to go to customer service in the far corner of the store- on the second floor.
I felt that surge of whoosh-whooshing again.
In the end, I got my $30 back, hit ten thousand steps on my step app for the day and was able to capitalize on a late afternoon surge of angry energy saving me a trip to Starbucks for a caffeine fix.
So you see…it all really does “come out in the wash” .. which is what I hurried home to do as I had officially run out of underwear.